an invincible summer

ode to broken things

2011-07-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

Things get broken
at home
like they were pushed
by an invisible, deliberate smasher.
It's not my hands
or yours
It wasn't the girls
with their hard fingernails
or the motion of the planet.
It wasn't anything or anybody
It wasn't the wind
It wasn't the orange-colored noontime
Or night over the earth
It wasn't even the nose or the elbow
Or the hips getting bigger
or the ankle
or the air.
The plate broke, the lamp fell
All the flower pots tumbled over
one by one. That pot
which overflowed with scarlet
in the middle of October,
it got tired from all the violets
and another empty one
rolled round and round and round
all through winter
until it was only the powder
of a flowerpot,
a broken memory, shining dust.

And that clock
whose sound
was
the voice of our lives,
the secret
thread of our weeks,
which released
one by one, so many hours
for honey and silence
for so many births and jobs,
that clock also
fell
and its delicate blue guts
vibrated
among the broken glass
its wide heart
unsprung.

Life goes on grinding up
glass, wearing out clothes
making fragments
breaking down
forms
and what lasts through time
is like an island on a ship in the sea,
perishable
surrounded by dangerous fragility
by merciless waters and threats.

Let's put all our treasures together
-- the clocks, plates, cups cracked by the cold --
into a sack and carry them
to the sea
and let our possessions sink
into one alarming breaker
that sounds like a river.
May whatever breaks
be reconstructed by the sea
with the long labor of its tides.
So many useless things
which nobody broke
but which got broken anyway.

2011-06-27T00:28:00.000-07:00

all connectivity dead. off the world wide mutual admiration club. took real guts to deactivate..didn't realize how important the virtual social network had become in my life. now i'm off it. dunno for how long though.

this too shall pass. =)

cummings

2010-08-31T07:27:00.001-07:00

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

2010-07-31T03:05:00.000-07:00

~a thousand kisses deep~

Love Sonnet XVII

2010-07-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

 I love you as the plant that never blooms

 but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

 thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

-neruda

.writes so beautifully that i cannot see.

2010-07-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

there's a thin line between soltitude and loneliness... i wonder which company matters more... and which one affects us more...the solitude or the loneliness?.. there was a time when i reveled in my solitude..enjoy the company i kept in those moments and was content in the little time i had to myself... now im lonely...these very same moments of alone-ness that i have seem to bite me and my head moves about restlessly looking for company... i wonder today if solitude can be enjoyed, only when one is not alone?

~the painting on the wall~

2010-07-12T02:02:00.000-07:00

this is the story of a little boi who believes in magic... magic that surrounds him and the miracle of everyday... he stares at the moon and sings to it.. sits down anywhere and starts strumming his guitar.. and spreads about joy and hope... he smells peaches and plays with butterflies and is alone but yet alive.. :)

2010-07-03T03:54:00.000-07:00

off late i've been finding it very hard to be myself... to be happie with everything around me. to be content.. it makes me wonder... my life has been the same for the past ten years but this sudden discontent makes me uneasy... i guess it's sad that things that were always pushed at the very back of my head have come to the forefront asking confrontation. i wonder if i can go on like this. i wonder what will happen if i choose to stop. choose to stop caring about those who've meant the world to me and live selfishly in my own little bubble. is it unfair to want peace?...away from the everyday screaming and yelling... feeling drained at the end of the day.. fighting to survive yet another painful morning.. is it really wrong to want to go away from it?... but then i look at her.. fighting and struggling..looking around for my hand..and my heart breaks...all over again and guilt overpowers me, negating every other feeling of freedom... the drill is the same and i know it wont change but i wonder how long i can be around before i break. moving out would kill her but would i be able to love her if i chose to stick around?... my mind is muddled and it makes me sad.. to see such a beautiful woman crumble at the hands of destiny.. i wish i could make it all go away..give peace.. to her and me.. i wish i could put all the wrongs right..and not feel so helpless as i feel now.. i am trying my hardest but is it enough? will it ever be?.. and does she even see it?... or will she forever shun me??.. but i love her still and want her to love herself too... i wish i could do something to make it all go away.

2010-06-27T23:07:00.000-07:00

and colour everything else!! :):)

~lulu~

2010-06-27T03:38:00.000-07:00

lulu's are fun things to have... i found a new way of colouring my hair!

2010-06-27T03:30:00.000-07:00

soon the head will be clear...and the pangs will stop... the constant checking of the phone for a call or even a message will halt....the sleeplessness will turn into slumber.. the yearning will cease... and eventually i will stop missing u as much as i do right now... time will heal me and i will move on... for better or for worse... but a part of me will still remain with the memories we created... and every now and then a sudden memory will trigger an unasked for smile...and for that i will always be grateful.. for there is love... and it will always be.. deep within me... we're still going strong.. and we always will.

2010-04-28T23:16:00.000-07:00

In this city of blinding lights,
lays sprawled the heavy darkness,
An unending abyss of death and sorrow
and yet there is joy in new life and success,
An interwoven web
creating shadows and highlights.
We, embrace it all,
The dark shadows and blinding lights.

2010-04-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

Today it's different... for they don't understand
what it's like to be caged
like an animal - captive.
Innocent until proven guilty - they say
Prove me guilty - i say,
For I am not the man you want,
I am the victim -
Of lies, deceit and betrayal.
Yet, I shall stand tomorrow,
After all these falls,
A tougher man - A better man.

mukungarh ki kaichee

2010-04-18T01:03:00.000-07:00

this village is known for its scissors...they are known far and wide for the sharpness and accuracy of the scissors they make...

years earlier their ancestors made swords for the maharajas and now they evolved into scissor making as the times changed and they needed to survive...but the lack of work and the goodness of their work are the reason why this art seems to be dying... their scissors once bought will last u a minimum of thirty yrs and even if u cut iron for 5 continuous yrs it wont become blunt!...and so the people who buy them never come bk!!...

among the many scissor makers only two families survive and even now their children have taken up other jobs. yesterday i met a scissor maker who would not talk to me. he would sit and continue working while i stared in awe at him working the metal.

it took a lot of coaxing and prodding to finally break in...and when i did i found this amazing warm person conflicted by his present times and the lack of work but carrying within him a love for his art and a devotion so deep that i had to respect him. a humbling experience...

we sat and had chai..showed them videos...talked to the little girls who fought with their older brother...listened to the old mother who had so much to tell...they were talking and how!...pouring all their fears and stories into one conversation...feeling exhilarated and sad at the same time..we left having given a little and getting a lot back.

these scissors are special and one has to own one to know it!...

2010-04-16T07:46:00.000-07:00

milann john!...the mastermind behind the crime...

travellers...on the same beat
abhinav saxena...so sound!

~mukungarh~

2010-04-16T07:02:00.000-07:00

the shoot's finally happening!!...from the moment i started off on this project to now... things have been falling into place...like the planets have alined togther to make this shoot successful!!..and im grateful..

this is my final diploma shoot which i chose to shoot in a little village called mukungarh..my ancestral place and a place thats gettin lost...taking along with it my history and identity...I started out by comin here on my own with mum and looking around..the initial recce in the freezing winter...and the light breeze of spring..now finally here in the scorching heat of this summer to shoot this film..

mukungarh is a small village in the northern region of rajasthan..three hours from jaipur it belongs to the shekhawati region of marwar!...this time ive come here with a part of my crazy crew... there's a sound guy and we call him abhinav... the brain i call milann and myself...and the most important production person here...my mum and the cook..krishnaji!!.. :D...we're stayin in my aunt's haveli here...the rooms are ancient and the stone is rustic..the place is tucked away in time and yet moving towards rapid modernization..

CHANGE... being the crux of my shoot...stories of the past and the realities of today...all in one architectural wonder of stone, morals, customs and memories...

the place moves me and even the heat doesnt tempt me to leave...this feeling of belonging here even though i have never been here has immense power and it's here to stay...

some pics coming up here soon...for more insight check out http://milann.blogspot.com/

2009-08-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

your And Then's leave me stumped. :)

2009-08-09T01:08:00.001-07:00

i just had a brush with death.... it scared me to death...

2009-07-28T01:49:00.001-07:00

there's a story mulling in my head.... i want to see it grow... it's a story about a little girl, her mother and her grandmother... i want to see how it goes...

2009-07-22T05:41:00.000-07:00

im writing a story about the rat and the cheese... for my CV... does that make any sense to you?!!...

2009-07-16T00:22:00.000-07:00

it rained... donkeys :)... i went running.... finally!!...

and it rained down on me... going right through me and it flowed...

i went running in the garden next to my house and i saw life.. i saw the ld people running back home and the not so old taking shelter. somehow, i feel it's only the kids and the young boys who have no care in the world who come out in the rain. And i dont understand it. how can something so pure make you dirty.. you who live amidst the filth of your own creation.

so anyways i saw a group of young boys playing football in the rain.. how i wanted to play... but ahem.... i'd have to take my shirt off for that.. or so it seemed... but i have never seen someone take in the rain as they do.. these boys who are so ready to enjoy the simple pleasures that are taking place around them. they weren't the boys from big homes in big cars going to sit inside a hookah joint in order to enjoy the rain. they were simply there.. out in it!

and the lovers.. o!... the lovers... so many of them.. hiding in the niche's of the garden trees and trying in vain to shield the other from the wetness that draped all of us.. it makes u believe in love again.. to see such gestures... and moreover the romance of it all... what can i say i'm a hopeless romantic i guess :]...

i even saw the children and a two girls sitting on the grass and sharing a laugh... the memory of which will stay with them for a lifetime. little knowing how that precious moment has changed their relationship.

and i ran some more until i could feel it in my pores. i jumped into puddles, feeling the water seep into my shoes and the sound of ppcchhh!!... everytime i walked sounded like music to my ears!!... the rain ran out on me and i went home.. sitting wishing waiting! :) :)

2009-07-15T01:38:00.000-07:00

im sitting in the KMC and watching my rain pour down on me... :)

and it makes me super happie!

2009-07-13T03:05:00.000-07:00

hehehehehe... this was my new find... and for some reason i find it the sweetest thing!

~ bitchy woman~

2009-07-01T22:51:00.001-07:00

you know of the Classic Bitch?!!... the first time i heard of her was when a cherry in a saucer dedicated the song Bitchy Woman to me... so offensive one would think but in retrospect it told me a lot of things. :D

2009-06-30T05:41:00.000-07:00

chop chop chop...
till it all drops...
and now that it's all gone..
i feel whole again..
It's been long time due...
and the conflict is finally over..
people ask why i did it..
i call it impulse..
i needed to break out and figure where i stand..
and now that it's all gone..
the calm is back...
i am one again!.

2009-06-25T00:24:00.001-07:00

i like smelling like rain!

2009-06-24T01:48:00.001-07:00

a stranger in a random city...

i like being!!

2009-06-19T03:54:00.000-07:00

her tongue, so sweet,

then drew, mine ear,

her wit, so sharp,

then hit, my heart.

2009-06-06T01:16:00.000-07:00

one and a half months...

over... like a breezy sunday...

belonging here feels alien now...

yet.. bonds have been forged...

somehow a farewell seems befitting

yet unsettling...

i'm deviating from the road i was travelling..

once again slightly lost...

slightly amused.. more loved...

bright-eyed and curious...

i hope we cross paths again!.. :)

2009-05-28T00:33:00.000-07:00

~the blind have taken to the streets

the innocent simply drift along~

~my travel log~

2009-05-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

2009-05-19T23:13:00.000-07:00

has the hum of an auto ever tickled the soles of your feet?

it makes me wanna tap dance :)

2009-05-13T22:52:00.000-07:00

i guess i'm ticked off... at everyone...

today in the train i herd voices at the other entrance... a woman ranting in marathi... loudly..

she was LouD.. abusive and crass to put it lightly.

i couldn't see her but i saw the expressions on everyone's expressions change from bland boredom to exasperation and eventually contempt.. for that ranting woman... the other women started coming towards our side.

i decided to stick onto my side but eventually curiosity got the better off me and towards the end of my train journey i went over to the other side.

and sitting at the foot of the train was a blind old woman with her blind husband. they were both poor and she wasn't ranting to the world.. she was ranting to him. he was silent all the time listening to her and keeping his head low.

no one was interested in what she had to say but she was angry and she was venting. she had right to vent. to be mad. for whatever reasons of her own. if people had a problem with it maybe they should've asked her what the real problem was. but everyone shirked away, walking away as if she was an untouchable. as if she dint have a right to exist. one fat woman even had the gall to ask me if they were really blind. personally i think the fat woman was the real blind one in the train today.

there was a teacher in the group who seemed disgusted by them. aren't they supposed to teach us what's right?.. practise what you preach?.. and so what if she was loud.. aren't we all?.. when we're angry we rant to. in public or in the privacy of our houses.. i mean no one has a right to talk sobriety unless they practice it meticulously. cut her some slack. give her some space. she's not encroaching on yours.

i asked her to stop talking and asked her where she wanted to go. this question stunned her it seems because for a minute she was silent.

then she wept... SoftlY

it broke my heart. i hadn't done anything and yet she wept for me. and not one person on the train today had bothered to talk to her.. except in a manner to shun her.

now it was my turn to be silent.i waited and she told me Andheri. when i helped her up, suddenly other women decided they were worth helping as they started coming forward to help. once we got off... they asked me to guide them to platform number one. i thought i'd walk them there but the woman said she and her husband would find their way.

they smiled into the air and left.

and i wondered... how much effort did that take?

2009-05-13T22:25:00.000-07:00

Love must have an amazing power....

some parents live a lifetime together

without getting along ever...

For the sake of their children.

It is amazing, isn't it?... to feel so much of it.

~my drunken ballad~

2009-05-06T03:37:00.000-07:00

wonder why?
Such animosity
Is it just them?
Or is it all of us
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind
Have we gone beyond blind?
Has patience turned into a vice?
Or is it the human need to survive?
I guess it’s the fear of subversion or being left behind...
But if this is the price I have to pay
Then I’d rather be without them than with it
I’d rather perish than survive in it

2009-05-01T22:35:00.000-07:00

I saw an act of kindness today..

an auto rickshaw driver refused to give a beggar any money

he filled her empty bottle

with all the water in his bottle.

this beggar was special... she was a leper.

2009-04-27T04:51:00.000-07:00

this is something i made... the first one speaks for itself while the other distorts in perspective.

2009-04-27T02:37:00.000-07:00

~my own gulmohar~

2009-04-26T23:07:00.000-07:00

For one human being to love another

that is the most difficult of all our tasks,

the ultimate, the last test of

proof, the work for which all

other work is but preparation.

- rainer maria rilke

we had a workshop and had to portray the meaning of this in an abstract way playing with colours and textures. my group consisted of jiten, jeremy and me.

2009-04-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

EMEMBER me when I am gone away,

Gone far away into the silent land;

When you can no more hold me by the hand,

Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.

Remember me when no more day by day

You tell me of our future that you plann'd:

Only remember me; you understand

It will be late to counsel then or pray.

Yet if you should forget me for a while

And afterwards remember, do not grieve:

For if the darkness and corruption leave

A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,

Better by far you should forget and smile

Than that you should remember and be sad.

- Christina Rossetti

2009-04-26T22:45:00.001-07:00

One could not count the moons that shimmer on her roofs
And the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her walls

- A thousand splendid suns

2009-04-26T22:02:00.000-07:00

there was a red car,

with three men in it...

the one wearing

the white polo-neck sweater,

the yellow sun-hat and

the black seat-belt...

was driving it!!

2009-04-25T04:53:00.001-07:00

For you, a thousand times over

- the kite runner

2009-04-25T04:41:00.000-07:00

i want us to be silent spectators...
feeding off each others peace.

building walls where only we exist
in a rose-tinted universe
where its you, me and the colourful bougainvilleas

us... creatures floating amidst the whistling zephyr....

~wild in the woods~

2009-04-14T00:41:00.000-07:00

i discovered a set of blow pens!!... and this is what i did :)...

i dunno what it looks like and as i tried variations and explored the medium this is what i came up with...

to me it looks like a bouquet of flowers..

what does it looks like to u?

2009-04-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

pickled women - live quietly in giant vinegar bottles of their own making... her existence is her reason.

- thousands of vinegar bottles lined up on earth, as far as the eye could see -

2009-04-09T10:29:00.000-07:00

there were fire crackers in the air!!..

i felt the excitement in my stomach

2009-04-07T23:44:00.000-07:00

today was a funny beginning... i was in an auto and we stopped at the traffic signal.. next to us stood a cycler, who seemed to have thirteen years of life behind him.. he was a slum kid by the look of it and stood at the at the very end of the road whereby spilling onto the other side. the the traffic continued spewing and suddenly my auto driver screamed at the boy to get into our side and to try not getting killed by the oncoming buses.

the boy shifted and my auto guy calmed down..

as we neared the green light another boy of eight came n took the older boys place at the end of the road. the boy of eight seemed to belong to a middle class family.

our lane started moving and the boy of thirteen assisted and helped maneuver the boy of eight to the right where they we both headed. all this while my auto guy kept a watch to make sure they both reached the right lane safely before starting off on our journey forward..

i saw this and was amazed... humanity still throbs in our society and somewhere it is us, the have's who have lost it, not those who live by it..

2009-04-07T23:43:00.000-07:00

my auto rides are too short

my hair s too long

they're not in tandem anymore..

i miss my 30 rupees blow-dries!!

2009-03-31T04:18:00.000-07:00

my entire existence feels weird.

2009-03-29T04:43:00.000-07:00

things to do

. read people

. be considerate

the universe is made up of all things and experiences around you

2009-03-29T04:38:00.000-07:00

i have been conversing about the sensibilities of talking.

how you talk to a little boy or an old man.. makes all the difference!

2009-03-28T22:38:00.000-07:00

i find peace in the vastness of the sea..

no past, no future.

2009-03-28T22:37:00.000-07:00

i will miss our conversations...

perfect.. they are all perfect

2009-03-27T02:34:00.000-07:00

A friend asked me for a memory of us...

and suddenly all the memories of my eight years in school came flooding back like an adrenaline rush... and when they passed

i was left smiling :)

2009-03-27T02:07:00.000-07:00

In retrospect

the faces smile brighter and frown lesser

the tears seem baseless and the laughs remain timeless

people seem tinier, their hearts bigger

we came

we met

we sat together for hours staring at the star studded sky

we fought with each other

and by nightfall

Went star gazing together again.

we climb mountains

and raged through rapids,

Half smiling and half fighting

screaming at the top of our lungs

running around in massive circles

getting Ready for our first outing

and gossiping till dawn about our first socials

eating through the mid-night feasts

and getting excited by the simple pleasures of school life

first we made the apple-pie beds

and then the little ones made them for us

we had watched them sing 'Auld Land Syne'

and suddenly we were going around in circles singing the same song

and one day

the joy ride ended

and we all split our own ways

the eight years together

became a bittersweet memory

(to all my batchmates at welham, specially the FLIES)

The Invitation - Oriah mountain dreamer

2009-03-26T05:58:00.000-07:00

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled or closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain... mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy... mine and your own

If you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore, trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure... yours and mine and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "yes"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised tot he bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in those empty moments.

2009-03-25T23:43:00.000-07:00

some stills from my fiction project... despite all the madness and last minute cancellations.. i think we managed to pull it off.. thank you to everyone in it.. i shall let the credits roll once the film is done.. as of now it's still under construction

2009-03-15T11:39:00.000-07:00

babychild??

~in transit~

2009-03-13T04:16:00.001-07:00

recently we were on the subject on this place called home and well... i really don't know where home is for me... i don't feel the flood of home when i'm in college or when i go home to eat my meals... nor do i feel it in retrospect. In the last three years i have shifted into three different houses while i thought i would never be able to adjust after the first move (i'd lived in my first house for more than fifteen years) i was quite comfortable with my new house but by the time i finally figured that one out we shifted again.

even in my first house i was never really home. i was at the boarding school and went directly to mumbai for my holidays and would visit "home" for a week at the max. so then where is my home?

no space where i belong or do i belong to all of these?.. where did i leave my impression the most or which one is the closest to me?.. these questions boggle me now as i never thought of these things before. i was happy in my caravan traveling with or against the tide but now as i stop to look around i see empty spaces.

wherefore will i move on to and which new space will i leave behind. i know not. i guess i will always remain in transit until the day i decide to settle down.

2009-03-13T04:05:00.000-07:00

Had I the Heavens' embroidered cloths,

en wrought with golden and silver light,

the blue and the dim and the dark cloths

of night and light and the half-light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet;

but I, being poor, have only my dreams;

I have spread my dreams under your feet,

thread softly because you tread on my dreams.

-W.B.Yeats

2009-03-13T03:17:00.000-07:00

kiss the rain

whenever you need me

kiss the rain

whenever i'm gone, too long.

if your lips

feel lonely and thirsty

kiss the rain

and wait for the dawn

keep in mind

we're under the same sky

and the nights

as empty for me, as for you

if ya feel

you can't wait till mornin'

kiss the rain

- tracy chapman

2009-03-13T03:13:00.000-07:00

i suddenly know somethings wrong... i cant look at the mirror. i don't have the courage to face the consequences of my actions.. but its inevitable.. forgive me

2009-03-13T03:11:00.001-07:00

self doubt will kill me... soon

2009-03-13T03:01:00.000-07:00

they lay there deep in thought

the only sounds

their breath and the morning breeze

thinking of everything

the fights the joys the new toys and the childhood plays

he extended his fingers

she felt the slight touch on hers

they were connected

across parallel universes

suspended in time

separated in space

they walk away

without a backward glance

somehow they don't feel the need to turn

the distance is sheer nothingness

2009-03-13T02:42:00.001-07:00

its been almost two months since my fall at the arts reverie... the movie's shot, the edit is midway, i am a year older, another short film is on its way.. and i feel myself falling again.

2009-01-08T05:59:00.000-08:00

unna and tipsy went up the house

to look at the rooms and others

unna fell down and broke her crown

and tipsy came tumbling after....

2009-01-02T00:08:00.000-08:00

a month later and i'm in Mumbai. it's the 26th of december and the memories are still fresh. The Trident has re-opened and everyday they pose an advertisement in the paper.. - We are open again. thank you for your support and hope to serve you better - .. and the city is back on track. those who have lost are still grieving. those who saw it happened are still angry. those many who are doing something about it are still vocal. but there are those others who have made a mockery of it and those who have glamorized the terrorist who was caught and hyped up the entire episode with sordid tales of glory about how bad the situation is. they dont truly care about those dead or affected... all they care about is getting the news to u.. in a manner where a bombing sounds like a celebration. i wonder if they have become so callous or were they always like this. more the tragedies higher the TRP's. and this is our Media.

anyways back to where i was. suddenly the media needed a new story. so a month anniversary of the mumbai blasts seemed to be the perfect story. Revisiting the dead, the affected and the vocal. while the billet marks have been left on the walls of Leopold's for investigation purposes , the media decides to take snapshots of the same and give an emotional story to it. i dont deny that the bullet marks dont take us back to 26/11 but i think even without the reminders the people of mumbai and the world over will take a long time to forget this incident. think they can remember it without the media pushing the story unnecessarily.

the city has changed. it has been struck sooo many times now that somewhere the people had gotten used to the complacency. but this time it's different.. they are different. the people have woken up. they have decided to take a stand n fight back. i saw bill boards asking people to realise and be a part of the change. they have become more vigilant n expressive. they have started the wheels of change for the safety of their city. in essence the much stretched mumbai has come together as one. they have decided that they have had enough. this is the first step towards a united country. our country, which has fragmented into sections of indifference from all sects. a mumbai was needed to awaken this nation and i can see the winds of change washign over. And for this i am proud and grateful.

2008-12-18T23:18:00.000-08:00

i was 15 when i first got introduced to Dali and even now after seeing many other painters i respect Dali's work immensely. the first work i saw was the persistence of memory... which is by far his most famous masterpiece... and i saw a couple of others but this one was not around then.

this is Allegorie De Soie... which translates into Silk Allegory. somewhere it simply touched me. the way the butterflies are detailed with vibrant colours against the starkness of the grey-blue stones all moving towards one point in the universe and yet moving away in shadows. cuz for me while the butterflies seem to be moving towards the yellow gold in the middle, their shadows seem to be moving away.. and the presence of the butterfly woman [thats what i like to call her].. is pure poetry pulled backwards through a hedge.. it's a little jarring to see her standing there and i really want to know what he thought when he put her there but she somewhere just fits right.. like if she wasnt there the picture would have no meaning and would be incomplete.. she seems like the glue or rather the reason for the pull to centre of gravity. the need for convergence. it is silk poetry and even today when i see this painting i feel the goosebumps which was how i felt the first time i saw it. :)

2008-12-18T05:14:00.000-08:00

hehehehee... ok this is a song by Hawksley Workman... rather nice i'd say... ok.. am not being a wanna be or anything and technically this song shouldn't mean much to me [and it doesn't]... since i dont smoke except for the occasional smoke thats rolled up... and that too once in an eternity.. but anyways it's just got me kicked.. cuz it's the story of our lives... every second person lives like this.. pathetic be it.. but true... anyways the point being... it's a fun song... and i'm not really in the mood to do a thesis on this song.. but hope u enjoy it..!!

~moments suspended in time~

2008-12-17T03:25:00.000-08:00

this is a sketch of two lovers on the streets of Erlangen, Germany done by Allen Shaw (driftingalongthesea.blogspot.com)... and the poem below was written by me many months before i received this special sketch.

We met

In a parallel universe

You found me

Amidst the maddened race

Of red streaks and white bystanders

A surreal world where few existed

we had little time

And stolen moments

That's what made it what it is

In those moments

We sat together

Held each other

Made love without having to meet ever

In those moments your eyes told stories

And mine looked away ever so often

Not wanting to disclose what i was feeling

I have seen you cry

And give in

I have held back

Not yielding

Fearing the distance you would leave behind

But yesterday was different

As time seemed frozen and yet so transient

I cried

I met you again and knew

We would never change

Constant...

In this sacred distance that, we have created.

clutter

2008-12-10T23:55:00.000-08:00

the past few days have been a little tough. my life seems to be ball gaming into something bigger than i can manage. the head is a mess..

one fearful and sleepless night followed by one thought - i need to get a hold on my life.

i get out of bed and start cleaning.. the clothes get sorted and piles for laundry stack up while the cupboard gets emptied and re-assembled. the floor is inspected for all valuables - from the one rupee coins to the toys scattered around to the many creams and shoes... everything goes up on a pedestal. then comes the papers.. the used, the unused and the simply dirty and needs to be thrown type. the broom enters and starts a mass extermination of everything that has managed to cling to the floor.

sweep sweep sweep and now i feel clean. every dust particle clings to my very parrot green kurta but i'm clean.

clean like never before. it's time for it all to fall back in place and i the best bit is that i know it will.

2008-12-10T06:28:00.000-08:00

~maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed..

maybe they need to run free

until they find someone just as wild to run with~

hanging around

2008-12-10T06:04:00.000-08:00

it's nice that you think of me sometimes

i think of u often... much too often for my liking

i wonder what we were

and i wonder where to we have come today

each path i leave behind leaves a trail i cannot erase

a new one crops up to take its place..

some have left scars

while some have blossomed into eternity and will continue to do so

i take you with me every step i wake

i know we cannot be together

yet we have been with each other

and i cannot ask for more

i hope

for that day to arrive

the one where i turn

and still see u hanging around

not in wait of me mind u...

but after understanding me and maybe forgiving me

forgiving me if u think i was wrong

but loving me nonetheless

for i will always love u

and if at any point u turn

you will find me hanging around :)

~halt for a bit~

2008-12-10T05:29:00.000-08:00

we waste a majority of our lives trying to figure out what we want from it and the other bit forming relationships. then there is our belief system and our moral standing along with our need for constant judgement of ourselves and of those around us. in short we're always after something. but the human mind i feel is a funny thing.. when we take two steps forward we simultaneously take three steps backward. And whats even more amusing is that we feel the need to make others conform to what we feel is right and "making" them understand how our POV is the right way of thinking.

whats right and whats wrong and who are we to guarantee the rightness of right and the wrongness of wrong?.. the society has bred us to think in a particular way and the majority opinion is the right opinion. can the majority not be wrong?..maybe we should stop trying so hard to change others and instead look within. can we not simply respect each other as humans and mind our own businesses without the greed to over power or over shadow the other person's thinking or way of living??... is it too much to ask for?.. i guess it is.. or else how would one explain terrorism, organised religion, vicarious living and power?..

the fault is within each one of us and not only those who are radical in their way of behaviour. i feel the need for an emotional purge.. [along with a political and a global purge]... every person needs to sit down and think for a bit. the life in the fast lane needs to halt for a bit and we need to sit down for a bit and take rest. do we want our future generations to live in a civilization thats beyond redemption??

it's time we change.. the youth moreover... because it's us who are the future and we need to get out of our materialistic fascade and see whats best for us and our civilization. we need to stop name calling, scape goating, blaming and cribbing. if u dont like something do something to change it.. but a little peacefully please.

PS... you have a right to differ and i will respect that..