off late i've been finding it very hard to be myself... to be happie with everything around me. to be content.. it makes me wonder... my life has been the same for the past ten years but this sudden discontent makes me uneasy... i guess it's sad that things that were always pushed at the very back of my head have come to the forefront asking confrontation. i wonder if i can go on like this. i wonder what will happen if i choose to stop. choose to stop caring about those who've meant the world to me and live selfishly in my own little bubble. is it unfair to want peace?...away from the everyday screaming and yelling... feeling drained at the end of the day.. fighting to survive yet another painful morning.. is it really wrong to want to go away from it?... but then i look at her.. fighting and struggling..looking around for my hand..and my heart breaks...all over again and guilt overpowers me, negating every other feeling of freedom... the drill is the same and i know it wont change but i wonder how long i can be around before i break. moving out would kill her but would i be able to love her if i chose to stick around?... my mind is muddled and it makes me sad.. to see such a beautiful woman crumble at the hands of destiny.. i wish i could make it all go away..give peace.. to her and me.. i wish i could put all the wrongs right..and not feel so helpless as i feel now.. i am trying my hardest but is it enough? will it ever be?.. and does she even see it?... or will she forever shun me??.. but i love her still and want her to love herself too... i wish i could do something to make it all go away.